So, I looked up "Vladimir Putin" on youtube and found this video. Hilarious. It's his review of the computer game "Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare":



Whatever else you have to say about the Russians, you can't deny that they've got a great dry wit.

Isn't this a cute layout? I don't really like the season of summer, but I do like elephants, and all the colors are just so bright and hypnotizing. Prettiness . . . jeez, I am so freaking bored. I'm a hair away from knocking myself out just for the thrill of it. I need a life.

I WANT FRIENDS!

My life in the real world is depressingly empty, so I console myself with online buddies. (Pathetic, yes, but rather necessary for my sanity.) Fellow Alex Rider and Twilight fans will be friended immediately -- just identify yourself.

Please friend me? *big, irresistable puppy dog eyes* You know you want to.

Yes, my livejournal used to be called "Un-staring Eyes" and had an oppressive gray, black, and red layout. WEll, all that's changed, obviously. In the past two weeks I've grown closer to God than I thought possible and I've fallen in love with a wonderful boy and have had my affections returned -- my life has, in short, done a total 180 from where I used to be.

". . . silent and beautiful . . ." is the title I chose because I really feel it grasps where I am in my life right now: God speaking to me is silent and beautiful, my love is silent and beautiful, my emotions are silent and beautiful. . . . I am truly blessed right now, and didn't think it would be right if my blog didn't reflect that.

I realize that when I originally gave myself the name "fading_remnants" (which, at that point, refering to the fading remnants of my spirit/soul/life) I was pretty darn emo. So here's what it means now: "fading_remnants" refers to the fading remnants of my old life; now that they are falling away, I have a chance to begin anew.

A couple weeks ago I found a poem I wrote on January 19, 2008 at 12:23 am. Granted, not my best work, but it's something.


~*~*~*~

Trembling and broken before you
Wiping tear-stained cheeks raw
I wait for the final hit
The exile
The abandonment
I ready broken wings to fly away
My vision blurred through teary eyes
When I feel your touch on me
Warm, gentle hands lift me
Holding me close as I pour out my heart
You're never judging, never laughing
Only comforting
You wipe the tears from my face
Placing me back on my feet
You erase my fears and wipe the guilt from my heart
You make me feel loved --
Even when I've done wrong
You make me feel alive --
When I fall into darkness
You set me straight --
When I stray from the path
You are the best thing in my life.

Recently, I've been into writing poems that relate to pictures. This poem relates to this picture, again by Zindy S. D. Nielsen.

~*~*~*~

How can I explain?
It just hurts
There are no words to describe it
Just my empty soul and crumbling heart
You couldn’t understand this feeling
This lonely, aching feeling
I’m so helpless
I don’t know where to turn
So I just let the tears keep falling
As the dark closes in

This poem, though I'd had the idea for something similar in my mind for awhile, was specifically written for this picture by the talented Zindy S. D. Nielsen.

~*~*~*~

Bye-bye love
Bye-bye tear-stained nights
Bye-bye worrying
Bye-bye to all those fights
Bye-bye promises
You never seem to keep
Bye-bye un-satisfaction
But I guess you sow what you reap
'Cause I need to let you know

I have to let you go now
I have to say bye-bye
It won't be worth it in the end
No matter how hard we try
We're two pieces of a puzzle
But we don't fit together
I've got to do this on my own now
I'll brave the weather
Alone

Someday I expect you'll be back
But a last bye-bye till then
Try to understand that you've hurt me
It'll make easier amends
When you decide to stay forever
No more crushing my heart
I know you can be good to me
But we have to stay apart
Till you can be mine for eternity

~*~*~*~
Whoever is saying this is not speaking of love as a person, but rather the feeling itself.

This was actually an old post that I accidentally deleted:

~*~*~*~

The sapphire lacework of my veins
Slashed through with crystal scars,
To form delicate, trickling ruby beads
Upon my alabaster arms.

So, I was sitting around, bored and depressed, when suddenly an inspiration for a song/poem hit me and I just had to write it down:

~*~*~*~

I know, angel
Times are getting hard
Every step's a burden
Every breath hurts
But please try, angel
I'm gonna be with you one day
To take the pain away
And fill your heart with love
Hang on, angel

I know, angel
The road twists ahead
Everything is wrong
All your hopes are dead
And the pain it burns
Ripping through your soul
Can you cry anymore?
Or are you numb?
But try to hang on, angel

I know, angel
To spread your wings and fly
Seems a bit too hard
Too big a chance to take
It could hurt
More than anything before
But if you fall
You know I'll be there
To catch and protect you
Hang on, angel

I know, angel
You don't see the truth
After everything I've said
You still can't breathe
But will your heart to race
Your spirits fly with the stars
Because I want you to know:
There's a light ahead
Hang on, sweet angel

Remember, my angel:
Life will sting and leave you crying
I never said it wouldn't
I never promised that
But I said I'll be there
When the storms come your way
I'll be there, to lift you off your feet
And hold you tight
So hang on, my angel

Just a little something I wrote up--inspired by someone I consider a friend and am afraid of losing.

~*~*~*~

How can I be with you
Truth is so uncertain
Our future so changeable
The dance of our souls easily stopped
How do I know you won't turn away?

Because every time I breathe I'm broken
And every time I take a step I'm thrown back
What makes you different from the others?
A promise--easily broken, I've come to see
A chance--a pain I won't, can't, revisit

I've tried to move on, forgetting you
Forgetting the way you make my face light
My heart race, and my soul lift
Your warm touch, comforting and safe
The charm and sincerity in your words

Because with you, it will hurt more when it's over
A pain that can't be numbed or washed away
I can't trust you, I can't trust anyone
Because I've learned that happiness is not for me
It belongs to the undamaged--the oblivious

And another poem I had to do for school, wanting to write a real one before absolutely lying my ass off:

~*~*~*~

What makes me happy
Being invisible,
Drowning myself in music,
The scars on my arm
Self-inflicted with a razor,
Humorous fanfiction
When I’m overwhelmed with angst,
Emptying my soul.

For school, I had to do this retarded poem, but it had to be patriotic. So, to get in the "writing mood", I decided to write what I was really feeling before going and making up a total sappy lie. This is the product:

~*~*~*~

I am lost and hurt
I wonder why I’ve been cast this role in life
I hear the Black Parade coming to take me away
I see the suffering of this pain-filled world
I want to drift into nothingness
I am lost and hurt

I pretend everything will be fine
I feel my heart ripping open
I touch my beads of blood
I worry I’ll never be able to climb out of this hole
I cry over my brokenness
I am lost and hurt

I understand one day this will all fade away
I say, “What they don’t know won’t hurt them.”
I dream of a vampiric existence
I try to put up a strong facade
I hope I can hold onto the shreds of my rationality
I am lost and hurt